What are your big rocks?

Maybe you’ve heard the story before about the jar of rocks. It’s been told to me like this: a business school professor brings in a large glass jar. He sets it on the table in front of his class, and fills it with large rocks. He asks the class if it is full. They say yes. He says that they are wrong and begins to add smaller rocks until he can add no more. He asks again if it is full. When the students say yes, he again tells them that they are wrong, and begins to add gravel. He repeats the process with sand, and then, finally, with water.  He then tells the students that the jar is now full.

 

He asks the students what the point of the exercise was. A student confidently raises their hand and states that it was to remind us that, no matter how full we think our lives are, that we can always fit more into our days.  The professor responds by saying no. He says instead that the point is that if we had started with the small rocks, there never would have been room for the big rocks, so always start with the big rocks first. 

 

The metaphor, of course, is that the big rocks are the most important things in our lives.  The professor of this story is reminding us to put the most important things into our lives first, and then to have the less important things fit in the area that remains.

 

So often, we become terribly busy, so we aren’t able to make room for changes in our lives that might make us happier.  It can be useful, during these times, to pull out our metaphorical jar of  rocks, to see how much gravel, sand, and water are filling them up. 

 

I invite my clients (and therefore, invite you) to take stock of your life.  If we imagine that you have an empty jar, what would be your big rocks? For many people, the big rocks tend to be topics like family, health, career, faith, and/or emotional well being , but yours may vary.

 

Then, look at your life—have you set it up to put your big rocks in first? If family matters most to you in theory, does your life show that? Do your hours of the day reflect a commitment to family first? Or does your life show that other rocks are taking up more space in your jar? Are you working 80 hours a week? There’s no shame in that, if career or financial security/stability are your biggest rocks right now. But if you believe that family is more important than career right now, you might want to adjust your rock placement.

 

I also want to remind you to be as ruthlessly honest as you possibly can be about evaluating the biggest rocks.  Sometimes, we have idealistic wishes of what our priorities should be, but our actions show different focus. For instance, though many of us say that our health is the most important thing, we might also prioritize our social lives or our careers over the behaviors (such as sleep, healthy eating, and regular exercise) that would maximize our health.  Again, I have no judgment over the choices we all make, but it’s important to be honest.

 

Once you know what your biggest rocks are, then I encourage you to set up your life in such a way that your big rocks take a priority in your life, and get entered into your schedule first.  Those commitments become the most important, and are the least available for cancellation if there is a conflict.  If you run out of time to do everything, you will handle the big rocks first, and the gravel and sand commitments can fall to the side if required.

Life doesn’t have to be rigidly limited to your rock allocation, but it can be a useful way to check in with yourself when life seems out of balance. Re-evaluating whether your big rocks have changed, or if you’ve drifted away from your values can be a useful way to get your life back on track in a more positive direction.

 

 

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